So back to the documentary I referred to last week. The Mask You Live In , has some great examples of how bad it is for troubled boys, but no concrete examples of what is good, or going beyond talking and giving examples of what is working.
A Healthy Man
I’ll start by defining a healthy man.
There are no perfect males and if anyone says they are perfect, well that becomes the issue! For the purpose of this article the characteristics of a healthy male example are demonstrated by:
- Safety first
- healthy self-care
- how they resolve conflict
- manage anger
- lives with a sense of mission or understanding of purpose
- goal setting
- accountable and responsible
- aware of inner values that include: honesty, trustworthiness, integrity, and commitment
Talking Without Action
What weighs on me like a 900 lb. gorilla is that we keep “talking” about the problem. We keep “talking” about something needs to be done. We are seeing these documentaries that show just how devastated and distraught our adolescent boys are; I ask you what are we doing?
The end of the movie is again like most of the others; the experts say that fathers, mentors, and coaches need to do more but with little to no real concrete instruction or tools on THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT.
I have seen this for over 20 years and it takes more than talking about it! I’m here to tell you I am in the fire with these boys-the process they go through is the most powerful, healing, and lasting experience they will ever go through. I don’t say this lightly or without backup data. I have been doing my part by facilitating The Quest Project® for the past 20 years, using a Behavior and Emotional Scale (BES) before and after as an evaluation to document that boys can and DO get better!
Together We Can Make a Difference
But let’s face it, I’m one man trying to heal, help and mentor thousands (2000 since 2000 to be exact!) of teenage boys. I can’t reach them all or do it all myself! That is one of the biggest reasons I wrote “Saving Our Sons”-A Parents Guide to Preparing Boys for Success. I want to do all I can to help parents help their boys.
The awareness seems to have grown lately, but the awareness doesn’t do anything if there is no action.
As a society we are trying to figure out how to raise boys now that Dad’s have checked out, or maybe checked back in and needs information. My commitment and mission is to get dads back to the basics with their boys. Back to basics in order to get their son what they need to be a healthy man before the Industrial Revolution systemically separated boys from dad – to the point they are today – IN CRISIS!
Are you with me here? Can we commit to our adolescent boys and together mentor them into fine young men?