Moms, this message is specifically for you!
What’s Going On
I would guess if your son is age 11 to 19 years old you’re asking yourself on a daily basis, “what’s going on with my son?” or “I don’t understand what is wrong with him.” And the answer is “maybe nothing, he’s becoming a young man.”
It’s an exciting adventure for your son, and for you, it can be disastrous! He wants your help but wants it from a distance. He wants to talk, but not now. He feels like he’s all alone, and it’s all your fault. The mixed signals can result in what seems like endless disagreements.
Think Back, It May Help
It’s not your fault. What I’d like to ask you to do first is breathe. And think about this for a minute, the answer isn’t rocket science. Before the Industrial Revolution, sons spent countless hours with their fathers on farms or in small family-owned and operated businesses. They were working crops, learning a trade or fixing and building things. As our economy evolved more and more people moved to the cities and took work in factories and offices. The days of working side by side with your children were for the most part over. Typically the male was the head of the household. That meant dad wasn’t present any longer, he was outside the home, at an 8-12 hour a day job. And when dad got home he was exhausted he wanted a bite of supper, a few minutes to relax and get to bed early.
Boys learned much of “what’s missing” today by working alongside dads, uncles, and brothers. What’s missing is seeing other men show them what it means to be a man. They don’t see ways men relax, handle stress, adversity, conflict and interaction with others. They don’t have “tasks” to complete to feel a sense of accomplishment that dad mentored them on.
Boys are getting older but not growing up.
Boy’s Need These 5 Things
Mom, if you’ve been following me you have read about these five very important things boys need. CAUTION… he’ll get these needs met one way or another. Be very careful that it’s not from the wrong influence ie: gangs or hanging out with the wrong crowd. I teach this in The Quest Project™.
- Your boy needs a mentor.
- Your boy needs a safe place to deal with his pain (this gets clear as he gets more rational).
- Your boy needs the support of a community (everyone).
- Your boy needs a ritual to mark his transformation.
- Your boy needs a sense of achievement, importance and change.
Instead of focusing on the behavior you don’t want to see, focus on the things he’s doing right and build up from there. When you see or have those moments when he meets or exceeds your expectations, let him know you noticed! That’s the start of a healthy foundation for more achievement in the future.
Do you have a hard time understanding what your son needs? Post some examples on my Facebook page. Maybe I can help you.