Father and son share an incredibly special bond, it happens naturally! Be careful not to miss the especially important role you play in your son’s life.
Father and Son
Over the years working with adolescent boys in The Quest Project® I am constantly reminded of the important role dad plays in the healthy development of their son(s). I have plenty of research and data that proves it; I did my dissertation on the subject, but the real proof is in the thousands of boys I’ve heard talk about their dad and wish “dad had more time for them.”
Dad do you know your boy will enter a stage of development at approximately 11 years of age (that can vary) known as “Identity-vs-Confusion?” He also experiences what is called the “Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD),” basically without going into a deep academic dive, it is where he needs dad (or a healthy male mentor) to mentor him through these developmental stages. This is a brief window of time that your son is vulnerable and most open to learning; if missed it’s a lost opportunity that is hard to recover from! I recommend dad spends 3-5 hours a week one-on-one with their son, at a minimum.
This stage is the most crucial time in an adolescent boy’s life!
“Seize the Moment”
I encourage and implore you Dad, get plugged in! Be present with your son, he needs you even if he acts like he doesn’t, or he doesn’t act the way you want him to.
Being a father raising children and providing for your family is a big job and at times a heavy burden. You play a unique role and have responsibilities that must be taken seriously. In my practice, I hear many reasons why dad feels he doesn’t have time to spend with his son. These may sound familiar….
- I work long hours.
- I’m divorced and feel shut out.
- My son doesn’t “act like” he wants to be with me.
- I simply don’t know how to or what’s expected.
- I just leave it up to his Mom.
YOU are Important
“You had a son who needs you – not so you would need him!”
Understand how important you are as a father! In your busy life remember to spend time with your family, and yes specifically your son! Play golf, fish, cook, run, play video games, read, go to a movie, grab an ice cream, dinner, lunch – it doesn’t matter just do it together! Remember put it on the schedule, every week 3-5 hours minimum.
My hope is that if you, like me, had a bad example of a father you will make it a goal to be a better dad – because you can!
Need some help? Check out my book “Generation of Men-How to raise your son to be a healthy man among men,” it has great tips and advice!