These days many single parent Moms are doing the best they can raising their adolescent son(s). They don’t need me telling them how hard it is, but they do need help understanding what a boy goes through as he transitions to a man. This is especially true when dad is physically or emotionally absent.
Where Did My Sweet Little Boy Go?
Most likely you are working a full-time job, taking care of the kids and let’s face it, there aren’t enough hours in the day! Now suddenly in the midst of everything else your son acts like he can’t stand to be around you; he acts like he hates your guts. I’d like to explain why this is happening.
When an adolescent male begins to transition from boy to man, which will typically occur between the age of 11 and 13, it’s one of the biggest challenges he faces. He innately feels he must break away from his mother and learn to stand on his own two feet. He’ll innately begin to look for answers to this question, “Who is the man I’m going to become?” He innately wants (needs) a male role model around to help him figure this out.
Your adolescent son is terrified to leave your side but he’s being drawn to the new world of men. How can this be, you’re doing your best and he just pushes you away. You’ve taken care of him and made darn sure he felt loved, even when he didn’t want it! Down deep he doesn’t want to let you go either. He’s transitioning, he needs your patience, presence and perseverance!
He needs is a healthy male role model to mentor him; guide him on a modern-day rite of passage. If dad is active in his life that’s great, if not, a good friend or relative can help teach him the things he needs to know. This can get them started:
- First and foremost he needs about 3-5 hours a week minimum – one on one.
- Ask him what he wants/likes to do.
- Tell him things you want/like to do (compromise leaning toward what your son wants!).
- Tell stories about lessons you’ve learned – paint the picture – be vulnerable.
- DON’T talk at him (sitting face to face); instead talk-shoulder to shoulder-while “doing things.”
I know your heart is broken, remember it’s not about you, it’s about helping your son. If you can accept that and take it in, you’ll be on the right track to get your adolescent son the help he needs.